so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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