Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
