ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
