i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
