The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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