last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
