he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
