4 words: hood of his car
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
