If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
