Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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