Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
