Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
