ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
