Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
