you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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