i think i have two assholes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
