My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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