You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
