I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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