What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
