he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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