At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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