And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
