apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
