By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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