I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
