Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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