can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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