there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So much rum. So many feels.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
