yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
