Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
