I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
