Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
