Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
