Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
