Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
