i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
