i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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