i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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