Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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