just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
