Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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