his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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