how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
