Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
