He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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