You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
