Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
