He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize