he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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